Hello, 2013!

Hello, there!

 

2012 was a crazy one, was it not?

Was anyone else a little relieved when the ball dropped and a new year - a new start - was given to them?

 

If I could describe 2012 in one word, it would be this: change. Change in job, change in living situation, change in income, change in dating outlook, change in marital status, change in youth leadership, change in family, change in friendships, change in my relationship with God. Some of them were far more for the better, and some were far more for the worse.

If there is one thing that people can tell you I don't cope well with, it is change.

 

Ironically, our sermon on Sunday {taught by Gary Vaughan} was centered around the idea of a new year bringing the opportunity for new change. The statement was made that "change is not working hard and willing circumstances to be different...real change comes from submitting your life to Christ and living out of that relationship." Colossians 3:1 was referenced, which points us towards the idea that we are raised in a new life with Christ, and that real change begins with that new identity. It reminded me of II Corinthians 5:17: "Therefore, if any man is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come." It just brings such a renewed sense of hope for new beginnings - excellent way to view a new year!

 

Tonight, while assisting in leading the 11th and 12th grade girls' small group, we asked the girls what their spiritual commitments were for 2013. One said to get more involved with activities at church, another said to read her Bible more. I remember having similiar answers at their age, and I even have the same answers now.

 

But then I realized: without the real change that Gary spoke of on Sunday, aren't those resolutions just "working hard and willing circumstances to be different?" Is there a real change of heart when those resolutions are made?

 

Whitney {my co-leader} mentioned an example she heard in a Beth Moore study years ago: "What ugly wallpaper do I have on the walls of my heart, that needs to be removed before I can replace it with something new?" What steps do I need to take to empty myself of the bad, to make room for the good? Furthermore, what is the "bad" in my heart? We asked this question for the girls to answer, and their answers were insanely relatable: cussing, bad attitude, anger, impatience, laziness, and selfishness. What is the "good" I should replace those characteristics with? More good answers from my girls: compassion, peace, patience, selflessness, humility, gentleness.

 

I came to the conclusion that I will resolve to give my heart a makeover: too often do I lose my patience at work, or get irritated with my husband (still weird to say!), or allow a curse word to slip out in a moment of frustration or pain. Too often do I let selfishness win out over selflessness, and a negative attitude declare victory over a positive outlook.

 

2013 will be another year of change, that is without a doubt.

Here's to it!

 

P.S. I also am resolving to begin with a post per week...if I do more, that is GREAT. But one post per week is achievable, I think.

 

What are YOUR resolutions in 2013?



sick day thoughts.

a little over 2 weeks ago, i started coughing a lot. a little over a week ago, i went to the doctor. two days later, i went back to the doctor. a few days after that, i called back to let them know i was having awful side effects to the medications. yesterday, i went back to the doctor. all the while, my symptoms haven't faded from 2 weeks ago, and more things keep adding on.

yesterday's final diagnoses? a sinus infection, bronchitis, 'reactive airway disease', a UTI, and clinical anxiety. oh, and medicine reactions that are causing insomnia and lucid dreams.

to say that i feel like death would be an understatement.

what is frustrating for me, more so than the rest, is the anxiety. because i know my God is bigger than it. i know in my head and my heart that these feelings are NOT of God. i feel guilty for feeling so anxious, because i know what God promises:

"come to Me, you who are weak and heavy-laden, and I will give you rest." (matthew 11:28, niv)

he says "I WILL GIVE."

not "i will try to," or "i will but it's conditional."

i like the way that the message version of the bible puts it:

"are you tired? worn out? burned out on religion? come to Me. get away with Me and you'll recover your life. I'll show you how to take a real rest. walk with Me and work with Me--watch how I do it. learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won't lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. keep company with Me and you'll learn to live freely and lightly." (matthew 11:28-30)

sorry to get a little preachy, i tend to get carried away. :) all of that to say: because i know His word to be true, i have a guilt that is associated with the anxiety. i am constantly reminding myself to give it to Him. thank goodness He is so much stronger than me!

totally unrelated, but i had CMT on last night while i was laying on the couch, and saw a music video for waylan jennings' son, shooter jennings. it was FULL of southern colloquialisms! as miserable as i felt, i couldn't help but smile and couldn't wait to mention it in a post. the song is called "the deed and the dollar." here are some of my favorite lyrics from it--

"she got a special way/it makes me happy everyday/what do the old folks say/she's finer than frog hair split both ways...she's such a good catch/she's got me grinning/like a goat in a briar patch...she never loses sight of the important things/but she's wilder than a junebug on a string."

i had never heard any of those phrases until last week; i read all 3 of those when i was looking up fun colloquialisms. just thought it was ironic :)

something else i've had time to do since getting sick: think. think about my life. about what i really want. about what my actions say; what the words that come from my mouth have the power to do. and thankfully Christ has been right here, pointing things out to me that my little brain isn't good enough to pick up on. i just love discovering little truth nuggets in the bible! i am coming to a place of surrender with my plans for my life. i have tried to surrender them in the past, but held tight to certain parts...but surrender doesn't mean,

'take this, but don't touch that..'

it means

'here is all of it, take it.

you can do this better than me.

i don't want to worry about it anymore.'

what has God been teaching you lately?



when Love sees you

i know i just posted about this cd..but i love the song about Jesus:

"i'll show you what Love sees when Love sees you: i see what i made in your mother's womb, and i see the day i fell in love with you. i see your tomorrows, with nothing left to chance. i see my Father's fingerprints. i see your story, i see my name written on every beautiful page. you see the struggle, you see the shame; but i see the reason i came.."

have a wonderful friday!

oops, I've been MIA!

well hello there, love!

my apologies for it being SO long since i've blogged--this holiday season has been a busy one for sure! how was your christmas? did santa bring you anything good that i should know about? {leave a comment and let me know, i love seeing that i have comments!}

i came across a pretty cool photo while celebrating the holiday at my grandparents': some snapshots of my aunt peggi in 1958. they look EXACTLY like my baby pictures!

{i will have to scan some of my baby photos in a later post--this is seriously freaky how identical they are!}

let me think back to all of the happenings since my last post: i went to another amazing concert, got my hair done, did a lot of christmas shopping, welcomed home a friend from iraq..and man, has God showed me some awesome things in the last few weeks!

as for the amazing concert: i was blessed to be able to see the story tour. one word for the songs/performances: breathtaking. the idea for the music came from a book by max lucado that profiles major persons in the bible. the lyrics to the songs, made to be each historical person's "song", were written by nichole nordeman, and to say she was given a unique insight into their lives is an understatement.

growing up in church, i've heard most of these stories since i was a toddler in the nursery. adam & eve, abraham & sarah, joseph, moses, joseph, ruth & naomi, david, daniel, esther, and job make up the old testament line-up; mary, Jesus, the thief on the cross, mary magdalene, the disciples, paul, and the Lord's return make up the new testament. ever since i was 5, i could probably give you a detailed account of what each person experienced in their unique mentioning in the bible. yet this musical compilation helps you to really understand what they felt..how they thought.

my favorite songs on the cd are abraham & sarah's, and david's. david's song, "your heart," has the powerful lyrics: "i know that i've crashed and burned, and lives have been overturned, but You redeem everything; yeah, even me. at the end of the day, i want to hear people say that my heart looks like Your heart.." how challenging of a request is that? yet i've found that being my heart's cry; will i fail, yes. but will God love me through my attempts, absolutely.

(i saved the best for last!) :) gosh, i have learned SO MUCH from the song about abraham and sarah. i'm just going to post the entire song here for you to experience:

tell me that doesn't both break your heart and want to just praise God for who he is? the lyric, "you think somehow i'd let my heart believe it's time to let go of lullabies,"..for me that just paints a picture of how sarah felt, disappointed and heartbroken that she had not been given a child. but God promised -- and God stays true to his promises. it blows my mind when i remember that THAT God, who fulfilled promises to Abraham and Sarah, is the same God who promises me that he is here for ME.

my journal entry from 12/15/11:

my God is that God. amen.

mustard seeds.

so i came across a list today: "things i'm believing God for in 2009." i made it in my old cell group (bible study group) back in november or december 2008. it looked something like this:

1.) for a friend of mine - we'll call her "sharon" - to find God. {didn't happen; but i have faith!}

2.) for a then-recent ex of mine - we'll call him "bill" - to find happiness. {i think he did!}

3.) for a godly relationship. {STILL believing God for this one!}

at the end of it, i wrote "2 corinthians 1:9b - '..we learned to stop relying on ourselves and rely fully on God..'" those words were so crucial to me in the months after i rededicated my life to Christ. i had to recite them DAILY to myself. i even summarized it into a quick slogan--"God's got this!" when i felt overwhelmed, unanswered, confused..that was the phrase i'd throw out and remind myself and others of. my bible study group joked about having t-shirts made!

needless to say, the list was a little thought-provoking.

first thought being, "how often do i still pray for 'sharon'? do i remember to be Jesus to her?"

second thought being, "well, so much for the relationship in 2009..2010..2011. maybe 2012, God?"

and the final thought being, "do i remember to rely on God in my daily worries, heartaches, and triumphs?"

what are YOU believing God for? got an idea in your head? hold it there for a second.

“you don’t have enough faith,” Jesus told them. “i tell you the truth, if you had faith even as small as a mustard seed, you could say to this mountain, ‘move from here to there,’ and it would move. nothing would be impossible.” {matthew 17:20}

were you thinking in too small of a box? were you merely hoping, and not believing, that God is big enough and good enough to answer your prayers? well guess what? God is big enough to captivate "sharon's" heart. God is good enough to provide the right man for me when the timing is right.

so i ask you again: what are you believing God for?

he cares.

i was reminded of something this past weekend, and it hit me hard.

my friends steven and krystle got married this past saturday. {yay!} i couldn't be happier for such an amazing godly couple to commit their lives to each other..it was such a beautiful weekend.

in the midst of such a beautiful thing, i also ran into a not-so-beautiful feeling; i will spare the details as the story is too long. in a nutshell: when you love someone, you always love them. you want to move mountains for them and de-clutter their life and be there for them no matter, because that's what love does. but when they reject your love, it brings on a whole new set of emotion. over the course of a few days, someone i cared (and always will care) for a lot was able to briefly be a part of my life again, and the reminder of that rejection hurt all over again.{see previous posts about dating/etc..}

it brought on a lot of questions on the drive home from the wedding: "God, what was the reason behind that season of life? why does it still hurt? why can't you just move in him and change his mind? what is the purpose? do you care that i'm still hurting?"

fast forward to sunday night's bible study: the day after the wedding. we talked about Jesus calming the storm that day when he went out with the disciples in the boat. a hurricane was stirred up and the boat began to take on water; in a panic the disciples yelled for Jesus, "don't you care we are about to die?! don't you care what's happening to us?!" ..and of course He cared. i considered a few neat points about the miracle and thought maybe God was trying to show me something. we began sharing prayer requests, and because i didn't want to share too much (after all, i'm sure after a couple of years people are tired of hearing about this!), i just simply stated, "please just pray for me." that statement was followed by God Himself speaking directly through my friend stacey. she said, "i want to take a second and remind you that sometimes we forget that He cares. men and women are different..they sometimes don't get each other. but God cares. you might feel like its something no one else will care about, but you know what? if its something on your heart, if you care about it and hurt or feel, then so does He."

i couldn't help the tears that came out. it is AMAZING to me that God communicated that truth to me when i needed it most, through the voice and words of a friend. He is SO good.

---

and you know what else? if it weren't for that heart break, i would have never met those amazing friends that i got to watch exchange vows on saturday. God will always make beauty from ashes.

i wanted to end this with just a couple of photos:

dancing with the flower girls! beautiful little sweethearts :)

and i like this picture because its the only one that shows my hair; the girl who did it was a friend of the bride's and i LOVED it! not to mention all the other cool things going on in this photo...i was in the process of being taught how to dougie ;)

hope everyone has a wonderful evening!

miracles.

this week in my bible study group, we were asked what our favorite miracle was. answers given included the parting of the red sea for moses, the raising of lazarus, the feeding of the five thousand and the healing of the sick woman. all of those were truly amazing.

my personal favorite? i have a two. {imagine that! haha, i can't be simple and easy.} i love the story of Christ calming the storm while out on the boat. it reminds me of how truly BIG our God is...that nature and the atmosphere and molecules hear His voice and obey. but my other favorite, a yummy favorite, was the water-to-wine miracle. coincidentally, that was the miracle we targeted in our discussion for the duration of the study.

for those of you who might be unfamiliar with it, here is what happened, in a nutshell: Jesus was at a wedding with his family. the party-goers were having such a great time, that they drank all of the wine up and hit bottom way before the party was supposed to be over. {is it just me, or does anyone else's mind drift to capt. jack sparrow repeating, "but why is rum gone?" anyone? am i alone? must be.} Jesus' mom, mary, finds Jesus and simply states, "there is no more wine," to which He replies, "woman, why do you involve me?" i love that. mary ignores the question and tells the servants to do whatever Jesus says, and He turns to them and tells them to fill some stone jars all the way up with water. when they are full, he instructs them to dip a cup into the jar and take it to the party-thrower; he unknowingly tastes the contents and exclaims that it is the best wine he's ever tasted. the final verse in the section giving this account plainly states, "He thus revealed His glory..."

now picture with me here: this story is so amazing. analyze it from different angles. imagine the nervousness the servants felt, carrying a cup of water to their master, hoping they didn't get fired on the spot for bringing him water from a cleansing basin. imagine the faith mary had, to have never seen Jesus perform a miracle, but all the while knowing that He was God and could do anything. imagine the master, tasting the amazing wine and never knowing that the supply had run out and "the best wine saved for last" was turned from water by the Messiah Himself. {isn't that so like God, to work behind the scenes? the party-thrower and party-goers never even knew!}

because Jesus is who He is, we can expect His provision to meet our needs. it won't always be water into wine {although a bottled-water-turned-glass-of-moscato after a stressful day seems like a need sometimes!}. it won't always be a booming voice calming the storm, or staring at a meal for one and it miraculously multipling to feed thousands. sometimes His provisions are so "small" that we don't even notice He took care of them...but that's just our God working behind the scenes, in ways we can't see.

so do miracles still happen? i believe YES. big ones and little ones...if there is such a difference. my dad had a blockage near his heart; people prayed and when the surgeon looked again it was gone. my best friend witnessed her nephews' births. "infertile" couples become pregnant. you just took a breath.

look intentionally for miracles around you. you will be amazed.

wildflowers and such.

"if God gives such attention to

the appearance of wildflowers,

most of which are never even seen,

don't you think

He'll attend to you,

take pride in you,

do his best for you?"

 -matthew 6:28, msg

what am i living for?

i heard some song lyrics recently that have inspired my daily outlook on life. i'm completely obsessed with living these words:

"i will live to carry Your compassion into a world that's broken-to be Your hands and feet. and i will give with the life that i've been given, and go beyond religion to see your world be changed by the power of Your name." {via lincoln brewster/darlene zschech}

wow. it's been a while {well, a few months anyway} since i've dwelt on something and really chewed on what it means, as much as i have these lyrics. i want to dissect them a little bit--

i will live to carry Your compassion -- what does that look like in our daily lives? obviously the "Your" i'm referring to is Christ's. Christ's compassion was timeless, patient. it didn't discriminate. it was joyous. not for a day, not just around certain people he liked hanging out with. it was for all people, from all walks of life. it was for all of eternity. do people look at you and see something different? i'm talking to my fellow Christians, here. our visual field tech asked me a few weeks ago asked me what i was doing after work. i told her that i was going to help lead worship at a youth event for a church in hampton. she responded with, "you're a Christian? i should have known. Christians just have a certain glow and happiness, you can pick them out." that {to me} was not a pat on the back, or an ego-feeder. it was an encouragement and a challenge to let God's love flow through me so that others will notice that i am indeed carrying His compassion to a broken world.

i will give with the life that i've been given -- the title of my blog posts an age-old question. "what am i living for?" i am living, because a Master Creator chose to give me life. and because He has given me this life, i want to use it to give back.

go beyond religion -- i love this. "religion" is such a touchy subject in today's world. people worry about what's politically or "religiously" correct when it comes to God, instead of what's divinely inspired. we are called to step outside of the box of what is religiously correct and to do whatever we need to do to meet our world where it is. it means not just praying for those we do life with, but loving them. getting down on their level and just showing them love, whichever form they might need it in. it might be a meal, it might be a prayer, or it might be a listening ear. they might realize your love, they might not. i encourage you to live out the basic principles you learn in church on sundays, in your daily life monday-saturday. what basic principles, you ask? Jesus himself said the greatest commandment is to love. love others like Christ loved us. can you even imagine what our communities would look like if we all lived this out on days that didn't begin with "sun"?!

i hope this has inspired you.

...

1 corinthians 13:8,11 -- love never fails...and now these three remain: faith, hope and love. but the greatest of these is love.